champagne, cramps and colnago

“AAAHHHhh, CRAMP! $#!@, %&^*ING CRAMP!!”

I heard the phrase above, and variations of it, several times over the course of Gran Fondo San Diego. It wasn’t that the course was particularly difficult, or the people I was riding with were out of shape(quite the opposite, actually). The groups I found myself in were just the type of riders who pushed and pushed until they literally couldn’t pedal anymore. The most memorable time that phrase was uttered had to be at about mile 42 when one rider dismounted and just flat out collapsed in cramp induced agony. I felt bad for the guy, considering he would still have to knock out almost sixty more miles. I couldn’t help but think he was being a bit dramatic when he had a group of race volunteers carry him into the shade. He made zero effort to move on his own. The volunteers might as well have been moving a corpse.

But let’s back up a bit. The ride was headquartered out of San Diego’s Little Italy district. I made my way down to Little Italy around 6:30 in the a.m. and borrowed a pump from a random guy unpacking his ride. He was putting the wheels on his Time. I complemented the bike, mentioned it was the first time I’d actually seen someone riding a Time, used the pump and moved on. More on that guy later.

The ride started just after 7 and it was done in style. Just before the race began, some crazy Italian guy, screaming something in Italian, popped the cork on a bottle of champagne and proceeded to spray champagne all over the riders directly in front of him. I’m not sure if that’s how it’s done it Italy, or if this guy was just very enthused, but it was awesome. I wouldn’t want to be doused with champagne BEFORE starting a one-hundred mile ride, but it was entertaining for those of us who stayed clear of the spray. There were also a couple Italian celebrities in attendance. Ernesto Colnago was at the start (I’m pretty sure it was THE Ernesto Colnago, founder of Colnago.) and there was a ridiculously hot Italian woman who was a famous cycling commentator in Italy. (That’s plausible, right? Cycling is big over there. I mean, I bet you could convince people in Italy that we have famous NASCAR announcers (do we? I hate NASCAR), probably not hot ones though…) I didn’t catch much of her bio, she was gorgeous though. Exactly what you would expect if I said “Whoa, that Italian chic is smokin’.” Did I mention she was hot?

Anyway, on to the actual ride. The first few miles were pure Italian style led by a procession of super cars from San Diego’s Ferrari club and bad asses on Ducati’s (you get bad ass status by default when riding a Ducati. I don’t care how much of a tool you are off the bike, when you’re on a Ducati, you get respect). I was able to stay toward the front of the pack and right on the bumper of a dated, but still sick Ferrari Testarossa. The thing was straight out of Magnum P.I. (OK, Magnum didn’t drive a Testarossa but he did drive a Ferrari.) I didn’t try to pass any of the lead cars, but probably should have. When will I have the chance to pass a Ferrari (or even a Ducati) ON MY BIKE? Damn hindsight. I probably missed my only chance, but it would have been bad form to jump out in front. Oh well.

The ride was pretty tame up until about mile thirty-five. That’s where the only timed portion of the race started. The timed leg consisted of a ~2,000 foot climb over about seven miles with grades in the 6-7% range. Just before the clock started, I found myself next to the guy who lent me his pump. This guy was nothing but relaxed and super friendly before the ride. But when he saw me roll up next to him, his reaction pure shock. His reaction was about what I’d expect from Kanye West if Larry the Cable Guy showed up on stage during a ‘Ye performance. He blurted out something along the lines of “Wha, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Get back! You need to STAY BACK! TRUST ME, you don’t know what’s coming, STAY BACK,” while shaking his head in disbelief. I took this as a bit of an insult, but whatever, I wasn’t riding a $10k bike so he probably thought the climb was going to destroy me. I wasn’t about to try and show him up (or hop out in front of him) so I dropped off a bit. No big deal. Kind of swallowed my pride, but I wasn’t out there to impress anyone.

I was pretty strong throughout the climb. It wasn’t easy, but it definitely was not as tough as the last couple miles up to Forest Falls or Oak Glen. I kept a steady pace all the way up and picked off a few riders. One guy I worked my way past eventually cramped, but said it was only because he rode 750 miles last week. Kudos on the 750. Did you really need to top it off with a century? I’m not trying to be a dick…just sayin’.

When I got to the SAG at the end of the climb, one of the workers mentioned that there were only about ten or so riders in front of us. That came as quite a surprise, and it was cool to be in the top fifteen or so in a ride of over one thousand, but since this wasn’t a race, it didn’t really mean much.

The rest of the ride was pretty uneventful. The twenty miles after the climb were through the desert in the middle of nowhere. The heat was pretty ridiculous with temps in the mid-90s. Even for the desert in SoCal, that’s pretty warm for early March.

I was off on my own for the next ten or fifteen miles. I eventually met up with a few other riders at a stop at mile sixty. I spent the last forty miles with them. There were more grumblings of cramps, but we were able to keep the group together and pull a solid 22-24mph for the rest of the ride. I was toast by the end. During the last five miles, I was certain at least one of my quads was going to lock up, but thankfully, the cramps never came.

Just after crossing the finish line, I turned in my timing chip and received what has to be the coolest “finisher medal” for any event I’ve ever done:

Overall, the event was well run, the course was well marked and all of the ride staff were helpful and friendly. Absolutely zero figurative (but a little literal) butt hurt after the ride. As long as it fits into my calendar next year, I’ll be back. Hopefully the Italian with the champagne will make it back too.

UPDATE1: The results for the timed portion of the race are up. Here’s the link. I was 12th overall and second in my age group.

UPDATE2: I finally got my act together and uploaded the GPS track from this ride. View it here.